6 Years Ago Today My Mother Died

The 30th of January was a Friday, I will never forget it. It was the worst day of my life. It is still the worst day of my life. I couldn’t function without her. I didn’t eat, I barely slept, I was on enough tranquilisers to take down a buffalo and they hardly touched sides. I lost 15 kilograms in 3 months. My manager at work called me in and told me “It’s time to get the fuck over it. People die Sam. We get over it.” But I couldn’t get over it. Every time I thought about her I cried.

Eventually I went to Cape Town for the 2 Oceans. I pulled out before the race started. It was the first time I had backed out of anything. My best friend just about wept with relief. He took me to the beach. I lay on the sand and spoke to my mother. I told her I couldn’t think about her for a while because it hurt too much and I begged her to forgive me for it.

I was taking photographs of the sky on the beach. The sun was high so I just aimed my phone and took loads of cloud photos to look at later and choose the nicest ones. I checked them that evening. These two pictures were next to each other. I knew my mother had heard and she was there.

We have all lost people we love, many in the past year. I am certain they are still with us. And that their love for us and ours for them lives on eternally.